I dedicated this to myself who has always been flourishing to survive in every condition.
It all started in 2017 when this girl almost graduated early from my undergraduate degree when her life had just come to a more stable and better direction. A very short, dark, but long-lived traumatic event happened unprecedentedly at the most unpredicted time and place. Her world then crumbled, scattered just like that, and was only leaving its shell which was then all broken left with nothing. The soul that I had been preserving, conserving carefully, meticulously, was scattered in and out just by one small yet big event.
Those obnoxious hands, mouths, and body, all were vividly still living in her head. Words by words, touch by touch, all were still saved boiling inside her mind waiting for the water to explode from its 200-degree pan.
Today, she still remembers how they looked like, how their corner mouths smiled deminishingly. And right at the last month of every year since, her brain, feeling and body seem to remember to mourn that past event.
Still, no one came as clean as a white A4 paper including her. She might burn, and salt away some memories that would hurt her pride which she can remember now. That girl, despite being harshly persecuted (according to me) verbally, and physically. Still, she tried to win over their heart and be very sweet to them till the reality wounded her over and over again. Leaving this girl as no more girl.
