When The Rainbow Becomes Grayish

 I dedicated this to myself who has always been flourishing to survive in every condition. 

It all started in 2017 when this girl almost graduated early from my undergraduate degree when her life had just come to a more stable and better direction. A very short, dark, but long-lived traumatic event happened unprecedentedly at the most unpredicted time and place. Her world then crumbled, scattered just like that, and was only leaving its shell which was then all broken left with nothing. The soul that I had been preserving, conserving carefully, meticulously, was scattered in and out just by one small yet big event. 

Those obnoxious hands, mouths, and body, all were vividly still living in her head. Words by words, touch by touch, all were still saved boiling inside her mind waiting for the water to explode from its 200-degree pan.

Today, she still remembers how they looked like, how their corner mouths smiled deminishingly. And right at the last month of every year since, her brain, feeling and body seem to remember to mourn that past event.

Still, no one came as clean as a white A4 paper including her. She might burn, and salt away some memories that would hurt her pride which she can remember now. That girl, despite being harshly persecuted (according to me) verbally, and physically. Still, she tried to win over their heart and be very sweet to them till the reality wounded her over and over again. Leaving this girl as no more girl.

IS IT WOUNDED???

Haloooo.... 

Wow, aku produktif sekali ya bulan ini, hehe...

On this common day, gue mau ceritain salah satu pengalaman gue yang agak sedikit nyeleneh, engga sih, biasa aja hehe tapi emang nggak semua orang pernah ngalamin ini. This was happening di 2017, but somewhat gue masih jalanin sampai sekarang. 

So, I remember that satu tahun yang lalu di salah satu postingan gue,  gue pernah nyebut tentang seeing a psychologist. Here I would like to try telling you about this experience. Pengalaman ini buat gue sangat personal, tapi gue sincerely want to share it to you. 

Enjoy the story!!

YEAY!! Gue Punya Paspor

So... today gue mau cerita tentang gue bikin paspor. It's not a fancy story tapi lumayan bermakna di hidup gue.

Tahun 2017 tahun dimana hidup gue rasanya kayak dibanting. I felt like I was in a dark age. Dark sekali sampe I dunno which tunnel I was in and there was no way back or any light. It was so dark. Fortunately, I passed that time. It is fine now haha.

Here, karena gue udah pengen banget punya paspor sejak gue kecil tapi gak kesampean-kesampean. Ya karena belum ada kepentingan juga untuk buat paspor hehe. But finally, sesuatu hal yang menurut gue mewah akhirnya bisa gue milikin jugaa... Yeay...

RESET

Reset /rēˈset/ 

v. 

set again or differently

Selama ini gue selalu wondering rasanya reset. Entah itu life reset, device reset, reset perasaan dan hal lainnya yang kita imagine bisa resetted. Gue selalu nggak punya keberanian atau confidence untuk melakukan reset. I’ve always been putting my last back up into my devices. Terkadang hal itu malah memberikan banyak keburukan dan bikin aku gagal move on.

Me as Hopers

Human a.k.a manusia, adalah mahkluk yang kadang nggak bisa kita prediksi. Entah pikiran mereka, hati mereka, perasaan mereka ataupun tindakan mereka.

Kadang kita berpikir seperti 

"Orang ini udah percaya banget dan pro banget sama gue, pasti dia ngerti apa mau gue dan bakal ngelakuin seperti apa yang gue mau." 

Aku dan Kebahagiaan

Selama ini gue merasa gue ga pernah bahagia. Gue merasa ditolak dihina diinjak dicaci ga pernah dianggap. Oke tolong jangan menghakimi dulu, karena itu menurut gue. Tapi hari ini di dalam angkot ijo sesak ini gue menyadari suatu hal yang harusny udah gue sadari sejak dulu kala. Bahwa tidak seharusnya gue hidup atas pandangan orang lain.

3 orang wanita masuk ke dalam angkot yang telah hampir sesak ini. Terlihat sedikit kikuk karena tak pernah naik angkot, mungkin. Dua diantaranya duduk di sebrangku, mengobrol bercanda dan membahas banyak hal. Engga, gye ga nguping cuman denger aja.

Lalu aku yang memang suka memperhatikan orang tak sengaja melihat wajahnya. Aku tidak jatuh cinta, melainkan memperhatikan wajahnya dengan seksama dan melihat apa yang ada di wajahnya. Terlintaslah pikiran laknat itu dalam otakku

"Hmm itu wajahnya banyak flegnya ... hmm wajah gue juga kayak gitu sih, tapi kayaknya wajah gue lebih baikan deh... coba ada si kaka disini, gue mau nanya deh.. 'wajah gue kayak gitu gak? Bagusan mana wajah gue sama dia' "

Review- Aruna dan Lidahnya

Inih... One of the movie bulan oktober yang masuk ke list gue. Tapi, kalau bukan karena temen gue, mungkin gue bakal tetep ngerasa kalo this movie is not worth to watch tough it has Nic and Dian. They got into my list just because of Nic and Dian. I thought that it would be like other Indonesian's romance cliche movies. I admit it now, I was wrong. This movie was awfully took me to another world. Lebay ya... hehhhehe tapi bener gitu kok.

Jadi dimulai karena tiba-tiba lidah Mbak Aruna merasa kelu, engga sih, hehehhe. Her tongue kind of could not taste the right taste from some foods which made her crazy. So her bestie, Bono (Nicholas Saputra), suggested her to take a vacation together, as it had been a long time since the last time they went vacay together. Seperti yang udah kita tebak, that this movie will tell a lot about foods, yups, jadi mereka rencana vacay untuk kulineran. Keduanya setuju buat pergi, eeehhh beberapa hari kemudian, Mbak Aruna ternyata ditugasin buat investigasi ke beberapa daerah gitu. Jadilah mereka pergi ke lokasi-lokasi Mbak Aruna harus kerja dan teteeep kulineran.